Tuesday, December 06, 2011

The Elementary Forces.

Dalrock recently put up another thought provoking post. He gives a commentary on a truly awful film, Fireproof. The film is about the breakdown of a marriage and its story is typical of many marriages. You can go over to his site and read about the details of the movie and his commentary, but I thought it would be worthwhile to make a few comments of my own, especially on the subject of love.

A while ago I wrote a post on the subject of "parasitic lovers". It appears to me that a lot of marriages today are an arrangement of mutual benefit between two parasites ; each staying in a relationship only as long as they are a recipient of some benefit from the host. As soon as the host stops providing the benefit they move on. Another name which I've seen to describe the phenomenon is "Hedonic Marriage".

"Hedonic Marriage " really should be seen as a "fruit" of the modern culture and it is the end consequence of viewing marriage as a sort of "contract"; an exchange of goods. I suppose it is the natural consequence of the "Me" society; a view which places the happiness of the individual above else, even above the happiness of those about them. It's inevitable that in such a culture its constituents will want to emphasise their rights whilst dismissing their obligations. It is the underlying motive behind social atomisation.

Symbiotic love, on the other hand, recognises that's its own well being is contingent upon the well being of the host. Even at its basest level, the recipient of the host's benefits recognises that if they wish to continue receiving them, they've got to ensure the well being of the host. Unlike parasitic love, it is the love that binds.


Jack said...


Regarding Dalrock's post, did you mean to say 'thought provoking'?

I agree with your assessment of parasitic arrangements. I don't think it's unique to this century or the last however. I believe it's part and parcel with human nature. Some humans, not all.

I've been a student of human nature for some fifty years now. I never cease to be amazed that there are sociopaths and other loonies hiding in plain sight.


CorkyAgain said...


We pretend that what we want in our marriage is love. But afterwards, when we're making our excuses for leaving, the truth comes out: what we really wanted was justice.

The Social Pathologist said...

@ Jack.


As I've mentioned before, I suffer from a very mild dyslexia. It's a real bother with touch typing as what happens is I think of a work (it just happened now), no word, and my fingers will type out a phonetically similar yet correctly spelled word.
It's a real bastard of a problem since I don't see the error, no matter how many times I proof read, and the spell checker misses it because the words are spelled correctly. I need someone to proof read for me.

@ CorkyAgain.

But afterwards, when we're making our excuses for leaving, the truth comes out: what we really wanted was justice.

So true.

Jack said...


I have a similar problem, as I am dyslexic also. Words are not a problem for me so much as figures, letters and right/left and transposition of letters in a word. When writing I sometimes start the word two or three letters in, then have to back up and add the beginning.

I do appreciate your thoughtful insights via your blog. Good reading.


CL said...

A nice, succinct summing up. All marriages have some element of the utilitarian about them, but without the symbiotic love part, it's a soulless arrangement. There has to be at least some element of self-sacrifice in there, which isn't nearly as bad as it sounds to we moderns.