Friday, March 12, 2010

And as if on que..........

A young lady presented to my rooms for a consultation. She was concerned about a lump on her neck and wanted my opinion on the matter. The lady in question was young, very attractive and intelligent. A solid 8.

After examining the girl and reassuring her that the lump was most likely benign. The lump itself was trivial in size and suspected that the woman in question may be suffering from a small amount of anxiety. I questioned her about her life and circumstances and sure enough, there was a fair amount of anxiety. The main stressors in her life seem to center around her work (the issue had just resolved) and her relationship with her partner.

What became apparent when talking to her was that the main issue was her partner. She was troubled that whilst he was a good man she lacked desire for him. Her brain was in conflict with her emotions. Some choice comments made by the lady (from recollection)...

"I'm the one making all the decisions"
"He never makes one(decisions)"
"He always lets me have my own way"
"He's really good to me."
"Sometimes I feel like I'm looking after a child"
"He has no ambition"

Now I have known this lady since she was an adolescent. She works two jobs, not because she has to, but because she has ambition. She has put herself though university under extremely trying circumstances and I have a reasonable knowledge of her personal life to be able to safely claim she was not wanton. It was apparent when talking to her that she did not want to leave this man but she was finding him increasingly unattractive. She was smart enough to realise that he was a good man but perplexed as to why she increasingly did not like him. Astute readers will immediately recognise the character flaw in the man.

I spoke, "I imagine that what you want is a man who can sometimes make the decisions for you and sometimes disagree with you. I imagine that you're pushy and want to have your own way a lot and I imagine you can get pretty much get your own way......."

She: "You know I've got more balls than nearly all of the guys I meet"

Me: "I imagine you do, you'd put up quite a fight if challenged, I imagine you can be quite bitchy and immature at times. What you need is a man who every now and then can boss you around, put you in your place but still look after you best interest. Someone who leads the way. Your partner is acting more like a girlfriend and not a man and that's why there's diminishing sexual attraction."

She looked at me with combination of amazement and shock. I spoke to her a bit about Alpha and Beta theory, and stated that what she wanted was a Gamma male. Now the interesting thing about this young lady is that she studied quite a bit of Feminism in University. I once chided her for adopting the dress habits of the hairy armpit brigade and reminded her to dress like a lady. Indoctrinated in the concept of innate gender asexuality she was initially resistant to my opinion. For a while I thought I wasn't getting anywhere until she said;

"Can I bring my partner in to talk to you"?

Physicians dilemma. Game theory is not an accepted mainstream theory and its certainly a politically incorrect body of knowledge. If her relationship was to implode after taking my advice I could be censured for practicing unorthodox medicine. Still her relationship is doomed if things stay as they are, and nearly certainly doomed if she accepts mainstream psychological therapy.

(Details of the story are true but others have been changed to preserve patient anonymity)