Monday, October 19, 2009
Trawling through the pabulum of the blogosphere yields usually not much more that the inane ramblings of the inane, but every now and then you hit an iceberg which stops you dead in your tracks. One such post, by commentatrix Aoefe, deserves high praise. Read it here.
I've got to admire Aoefe for "coming out" and admitting that she likes being submissive. In these days of enforced behavioural androgyny masquerading as equality, I found it refreshing to hear from someone who does not feel the need to boss someone around and is quite happy to let someone else take control. The comments box makes for interesting reading and it got me thinking, what exactly is submissivity? Or, more importantly, what is feminine submissivity? I got the impression the Aoefe had some trouble articulating the type of submissivity that she had in mind. I hope this helps.
As we are trying to understand the male female dynamic, our understanding needs to be relational and distinctive. I propose to look at this from the male perspective, and define femininity as it is understood in the real world, as the features present in a woman that make her attractive to a man. Some may quibble with this definition but the attraction a man feels towards a woman can be pretty much predicted on the basis of on the universally recognised qualities that a woman can possess. It also needs to be recognised that there will be a degree of variance in the perception of femininity dependant upon the particular tastes of the male, but common sense tells us that there are certain self-evident norms which can be distinguished.
Assuming we are not asking the simian end of the bell curve, we begin by asking ourselves what qualities man finds pleasing in women. Factors such as high intelligence and orginsationa skills are qualities that a man may find attractive in both sexes so they really aren't to be considered feminine. What we are interested in the qualities that are particular to women. The list, though by no means exhaustive, would include things like physical beauty, refinement in speech and action, a certain delicacy of being, emotion, cleanliness and so on. These features are the the ones which attract men to women, men consider them feminine, men find them pleasing.
Femininity also tends to be a bit of all or nothing affair. A woman who looks great, speaks politely in public and is gracious, does not have it if she farts in public. Likewise, a woman may have good manners and girly emotions, but if she is morbidly obese she is not really considered feminine. A woman who yells and argues at her husband, even if justified, in public is not considered feminine. Femininity tends to be a quality that requires a certain amount of self-control to achieve and hence femininity is a choice; an act of the will.
This line of thinking is confirmed in women who choose to act in ways that is considered unfeminine. Many porn stars are physically attractive but most men do not consider them feminine. Many feminists usually act in ways which are deliberately masculine and are said to be feminine only in their physical sex and are devoid of any femininity.
Now what the will does is determined by the nature of the person; an evil man does ill, a good man good, a rude and brutish man will perform rude and brutish acts and so on. A woman then with a feminine nature feminine way and since we have said that our definition of femininity are the qualities of a woman which a man finds attractive, a consciously choose to be feminine will deliberately act in a way which pleases men; it's in her nature. I think Aoefe is right, that a feminine woman wants to act in a way that appears superficially submissive; the femine woman wants to be pleasing to her man.
Now the important point here is to consider why she is acting in this way. What are her psychic drives? What motivates her to this course of action?
Well in the first instance, a woman may chose to act in this way because she wants to. In other words, her actions are not forced by external pressure or internal psychological factors. This woman is content with herself and her actions. She retains what psychiatrists would call an "internal locus of control"
Eternal observers of this woman's relationship with a man would view the woman's relationship as submissive. The woman in this relationship would aim to please her man and may appear to be making many sacrifices for him. But they would fail to recognise that the woman is doing this out of choice and not coercion and that there is no submission at all. Thus your traditional woman who freely chooses to stay at home and live the Stepford wife lifestyle, is pilloried by her feminist sisters who mock her "submissive" lifestyle. The feminists are the one's who have got it wrong. The woman and the man in this type of relationship have complemented each other and they are actually psychological equals, this is a relationship of equality. The feminists, through social opprobrium are the ones trying to get the woman to accept their ideology; they are the coercives.
Many people who have astutely observed the nature of many Mediterranean marriages will recognise this woman. She has her man, she looks after him through her marriage and regards feminists, particularly Anglo-feminists, with contempt. In no way is she coerced by her husband to do anything, she runs the house and he whatever else. Labour is not divided according to negotiation but through natural adaptation.
It also needs to recognised that the "externalities" of the relationship don't really matter. A woman may have a highly successful career and the husband may stay at home. The point being that the husband and wife have both achieved a mutually satisfying relationship within the context of her feminine nature. They complement each other. But the important point here is that she hasn't negotiated the position like a business partner or an "equal", rather she has found a man who both compliments her femininity and her ability; a sort of lock and key relationship. So, for instance, a traditional woman of this type marries a traditional man, while a more modern type of woman will marry a man with more modern views but within a traditional framework. This woman's mate is her complement, not her equal.
Aoefe is Alpha feminine. She wants an worthy man whom she can please. Note that the important point here is a worthy man (something I wish to get into at a later post), her "submission" is only to her man of her choosing. Paradoxically, she is still in control when she submits. To men whom she does not feel a romantic attachment to, there is no submission.
The next type of relationship is the one that is commonly seen in women from the Protestant influenced countries(they are the ones most strongly influenced by Feminism), these are the beta females. This is a woman who, through social conditioning, has developed traits which are disagreeable to men but who still wants a relationship with a man. This type of woman is torn between living a life that she wants and getting a man to love her. Her socially conditioned repugnance is at odds with her desire to find a mate and her adaption to this situation is one of internal submissively. She has some control over her life but lives in mortal dread of spinsterhood and this dread compels her to do whatever is appropriate to find a mate. This type of woman wears femininity like a mask, using it as a useful expedient and dropping it once she is psychologically secure in a relationship.
This is the type of woman who "changes" after marriage. Prior to getting married her femininity is proportional to the degree in which she wants to get married. After she is married "the inner beauty within" comes out and the woman which the man has married becomes the disagreeable and unfeminine woman that she is. The other victim of course in this type of marriage is the man, who thought he was purchasing one bill of goods and instead ended up with another. The fun loving beautiful sexual woman he thought he was marrying becames a emotionally cold asexual shrew. When the inevitable divorce happens, she assumes her mask again till the cycle is repeated. It is from this cohort of women that the feminists come from. They want men to love them even when they are unlovable, and believe that the problem is with men for this state of affairs. Men need to change they say. They constantly blame other factors for their unhappiness beside themselves, the classic behaviour of those with an "external locus of control".
In their instance their external locus of control is actually internal. Their culturally conditioned behaviour is at war with their natural desire to find a mate. This type of woman is the beta submissive: Submissive to her fear of loneliness. The "betaness" of these women is in proportion to both their absence of feminine traits and their desire to get married. The more beta, the less happy. Some of the women never drop the mask, such is their fear of loneliness, instead living their years in the "comfortable concentration camp" of marriage. These women chafe at the situation that they are in, and as such are miserable and asexual. Universalising from her own particular situation she believes that all marriages are like hers and pillories both the institution, the women who find happiness in it and men who find her unattractive.
The greater beta's of this group of women are those who allow their men to "rule" over them, fearing a loss of love if they do not submit. They follow their masters orders out of fear of rejection, not love and chafe at their loss of dignity. The alpha submissive has usually picked a mate whom she knows will probably not ask her something stupid and who will value her advice when she disagrees with him. He will consult with her rather than rule over her though every now and then he will put his foot down, but this will be the rare exception rather than the rule.
She will submit. Frequently he will be right, and when he is wrong he will admit it.
Finally, at the bottom of the list are the omega women. These women are so devoid of femininity and normal norms of human behaviour that men treat them with utter contempt. There is no degradation that they will not submit to in order gain some form of masculine approval. These women will turn a blind eye to child sexual abuse by their partner, pimp out their bodies and are willing to be the subject of any abuse. These women usually settle for the utter dregs of society. Sluts with a known reputation, aged hookers, drug users, etc. form this bottom rung of society. Their life is miserable and a warning to the observant.
The whole point about the submissisivenss that Aoefe advocates, is that it is the submissiveness of a woman in control of herself and happy in her relationship, this is the submissiveness of femininity. Aoefe wants to be no one's chattel, she wants to be their complementary mate. She is to be commended for swimming against the tide.
Posted by The Social Pathologist at 9:03 pm 41 comments:
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