A few days ago Roissy put up a post discussing the subject of female careerism. The main thrust of Rossy's argument was that careerism is a form of female infidelity and to a degree I think he is right.
The problem with careerism is that fundamentally it is incompatible with the concept of marriage, since careerism is fundamentally solipsistic.
At it essence, careerism is the pursuit of self-identity through work and as such is fundamentally self-focused.
Marriage, on the other hand, was traditionally (and correctly) thought of as a union of two people. In being united, they were "one thing" and henceforth the "other" had to be factored in all calculations. Marriage, as traditionally understood was intrinsically anti-solipsistic.
A career then is only compatible with a marriage as long as it is subordinate to it. In other words, a career is quite OK when it takes the marriage into account, it's not OK when the marriage is subordinate to it. A woman whose career comes first is a woman who is attacking the very nature of her marriage.
The reason why I bring this up is that many that careerism is a vice in women, something I agree. But what they fail to see is that careerism is a vice in men as well. People can be unfaithful to their marriage by sleeping with others but they can also be unfaithful to the marriage by having an affair with their job.
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7 comments:
I agree with this post to a great extent. When a man marries a woman focused on her career, he deserves what he gets as a result. Similarly if a woman marries a man who is focuses on his career as an end, rather than a means, deserves what she gets. Each is taking the very best of themselves and giving it away to others, rather than each other.
You say careerism is a vice in men as well. Trouble is, women are drawn to men who put the woman below his ambitions, occupational or not. Especially so, when women put a high emphasis on their careers - they expect the man to be even more ambitious. To them, the idea of putting a relationship above a career is effeminate and unbecoming of a man.
Making her your mission will reap no reward.
"Making her your mission will reap no reward"
True, but if you are going to go there, you are going to have to address the foundational question of life: what should be your mission? How should one live?
In this age, with scientists saying absurdities like all questions can be answered with physics, people don't even know how to ask the question, much less know where to seek the answers. We live in an age where materialism is the default assumption of most educated people, and as such when they look for answers they look for materialist answers, and don't realize the nihilistic implications of their foundational outlook. .
@Basil
Making her your mission will reap no reward.
You don't make her your mission, you make the marriage your mission.
For a man this means having ambition but keeping it within safe limits for the sake of the marriage. When the career takes priority over the marriage, that's when you have crossed the line.
I agree that female hypergamy has to be accounted for, but hypergamy is influence by other parameters as well, such as decisiveness, personality and pre-selection. The trick is in balancing all these variables, not optimising just for one.
SP is correct. The marriage must come first. A woman who puts her job or career first is breaking her marriage vows in some important ways. A man who puts his job before his marriage is doing the same.
There is another danger in careerism, and that is that the woman will in time associate with higher status men who she will come to compare with her husband. The husband will eventually not measure up to some man his wife is working with. There does not have to be an affair, for this to cause damage to the marriage.
I will go further than this, and state that at least some forms of motherhood are just as bad. Those fads in child raising that put the child at the center of the family, that make children the whole focus of a woman's life, are likewise breaking the marriage vows. I am not referring to the necessary care required by infants and to a lesser extent by toddlers. I am referring to those women who breast feed children of 2 or even 3 years, who insist on all children sleeping with her and her husband, who hover like a helicopter over the children.
Such a woman has placed the idol of "the child" in the center of her life. She will alienate her husband in the process. And again, it's breaking her vows.
It is fascinating that Roissy, of all people, made such a cogent observation.
Such a woman has placed the idol of "the child" in the center of her life.
Agree AP.
It is fascinating that Roissy, of all people, made such a cogent observation.
Why so? I think Roissy has a very good understanding of not only female nature, but the nature of marriage as well. I also get the impression that he has a good understanding of love. The thing about Roissy is that he is a realist and he seems to have a far more penetrating and nuanced analysis of things than many of his commentators.
I think his abject hedonism is what puts people off. But then when you don't believe in God or an afterlife what else is there to live for.
I agree with this post to a great extent. When a man marries a woman focused on her career, he deserves what he gets as a result. Similarly if a woman marries a man who is focuses on his career as an end, rather than a means, deserves what she gets. Each is taking the very best of themselves and giving it away to others, rather than each other.
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